I am almost there, I've come close to deciding what to write about. No, it'll not be about how I struggled to decide what to write, I think i've already done that. I've not posted that on the blog - that's another thing. My search is beyond just the search for the right topic. Things were all messed up in my mind. I could have written something about everything that came to my mind. I chose not to. It would not solve the crisis. I, instead of picking a part of the mess, preferred to be part of the mess. Now, I am in mess, I am mess. . . more like a joker. Have you ever wondered what is it to be like a joker. "While you [audience] see Joker as a joker, the Joker sees himself as a performer". Some what like a Scavenger walking through the dirt that's thrown all around the City, who picks up things that we think are useless, unfit, worthless, just to see "if the dirt is worth anything". . . .
Until the moment the joker walked into the plot, my situation was filled with Chaos. I was on the verge of diving into the mess, He became the direction. . . . The Joker did not just walk in to the plot, he was invited. What came as a pleasant surprise was the Scavenger. My plot was more or less ready and my mind was ready to take a dip into the mess, directionless. . . then out of the blue, I got a text from a friend after a long time, a conversation about the joker. I don't remember much about the conversation. I don't remember exactly who sent the part which you read. Me or my friend ? ? ? How does it matter? ? ? one of us did. . . Isn't that sufficient. Well I guess my friend sent that and as usual I was at my contradictory best, I must have sent a lot of things, one among them could be "how the joker makes us perceive himself to be" ? ? ? Well that's not important now, I knew it the moment I got the msg - I believed it was true. . . .
Joker is the alter ego of the performer.
It so happened, the joker was invited into the plot and he accepted to grace the mess. . . Just when I decided to dive into the mess and be part of it, The Joker walked the Red Carpet. . .
Warm applause, Ladies and gentlemen.
In fact he deserves much more than just that but that's all we can afford. May be we can add a li'l glitter to the occasion and click some pics of the man with the flash on. . . in the darkness that surrounds as he stepped in. . . . The joker is now a celebrity. So is the Scavenger. . . You can think of the Scavenger, once the Joker's part or Act is done with. Both are Similar. We just have to see them a a different light. Light that's deep inside Us.
Performers are both. . . . or should I be saying ALL. We will figure that out.
Now, there are three characters in this plot. One is the joker - the celebrity, the scavenger - the thinker and last but not the least Myself - the mere self. As usual I start with myself first and then may be if my mood supports the cause I shall elaborate about the joker and a li'l about the scavenger. . .
It's an early entry into the plot for all the characters. While I write about the one character, I would warn you that the other two are not going to be mere spectators. They would begin there performance too. Its up to you to see it for yourself or wait till I show you by unveiling them layer by layer. . . You are lucky for the fact that I am elaborating about myself at first, otherwise I would be playing in your minds either in the role of the Joker or the scavenger. Now I am neither, unless I say I am one of them or both of them. . . For that You'll have to wait a li'l longer.
What's the hurry ? ? ?
Let's spend some time together and know each other before we jump into conclusions about each other.
Now that I am inside the mess, let me just show you what its like. A poor amateur like myself may not be able to do justice, while attempting to brief about the mess of life. It would be fantastic for all to see it the way they have faced it. Here's my amateur way of seeing it - Its an encounter of different situations. Situations kick started at times you are unaware of, but having to confront them all at once. . . . This is the moment, which I guess can best explain mess. . . .
I like the mess to remain messy, without getting any messier that it already is. I would not fiddle with situations, they are all intertwined with each other. I would wait for each situation to crop up by itself to claim its priority. The mess can only get worse if each situation is addressed independent of the other.
The situations that form the crux of the mess, is some what like the props that the joker is using to entertain the audience. The joker pulls one out of the lot, the other erupts and you, the audience split into laughter. Here the joker's intention is only to entertain the audience, it does not mean, he is not aware of the right props to pull. In order to keep you in splits he pulls out the wrong ones all the time, all the way till the end of performance. May be its the errors that he puts up in the beginning, which is meant to be a lesson to us, mere Humans' on how to handle the situation or how not to. . .
Now as he walks through the place, where a civilized man would never intend to, with his huge bag, carrying the load of expectation, out of the waste, useless, dirty things, his eyes searching for value in all things, The Scavenger walks. . . He knows, he walks through places and things which the world has banished or discarded from being utilitarian. He's walking through the shit and is optimistic of finding something to take back at the end of the day. He's putting a value into all things he's searching, with the worth of the Time he's spending. All things he picks up are deemed useless, worthless in the civilized world. Yet the scavenger walks into the other world, picks up the very same things - adds value to their existence, He redeems them, He's the Redeemer. . . .
While I wait for each of the situations to crop up by itself to gain importance at a given point in time, I begin to understand that i have something in common with the joker and the scavenger. I've to learn to learn from both the performers to face the situations and handle the mess as a whole. All the three of us are living more like one. Every time, I face a situation, the joker pulls a prop and the scavenger picks up a thing, we are in the same state. . . We don't know what to do with it.
I continue to walk with the situation, a few more will follow or will be left behind. . . .
The joker throws one prop and moves to the next - while the audience is having fun. . . .
The scavenger picks up things, puts them in the huge bag carrying the load of expectation, with every new 'old thing' he adds into the bag, the load of expectation increases. . . The shoulders become stronger, for the belief that he's carrying is 'HOPE'. . . .
At different instances, all three of us live each others' lives. We need to take a leaf out of the others' way of living and adapt it into ours in a way we overcome the situation that demands beyond ones' self. . . .
The joker and the scavenger are not the same but similar, they are contextual figures. They both come to exist at different times in ones' lives. Now coming to the point, where i said, What am I? ? ? A joker or A scavenger. I think, with the explanation I have for my joker and my scavenger, I've come to identify myself with Who or What is apt for me. . . . Well, I won't suggest one for you either. . . For you to see, if you are a joker or a scavenger, I suggest you to define your joker and your scavenger before you decide for yourself. . . . As i told you earlier in "a light that's deep inside you". . . .
At the end of it, If I may say in the lines of Quentin tarantino, this might just be "my first masterpiece". . . .
The plot ends right up there. . . .
What's beyond this, is just an exploration to find out if the scavenger, really is a thinker. While I was writing that part of the description, I had no idea why I called him "a thinker". Then the question in my mind was so strong that it forced me into thinking all the time and now I am beginning to believe that you cannot call someone who thinks that things deemed useless, worthless in the real world, to have value- value that's beyond reasoning, just plain belief - as anybody but "a thinker". . . .