Jan 20, 2015

4 in the morning

it is dark and it is cold outside and the inside is no different. everyone is sleeping in the comfort of the blanket and i can hear them snoring accentuating the silence of the night, while the stray dogs are barking away to glory saying something loud and clear but i can't really be sure! i haven't had an opportunity to blog for a long time and i thought this was the right time.

if i were to start this blog without paying any attention to everything around me, i would have started by simply wishing you all a very happy new year. in that case i would have to define happiness in my perception for i wish only that happiness to all.... or may be not! happy new year, 'happy' defined in your own perception of its attainment.

its been a long time! in all this time that has passed into the past, i was busy resurrecting my sinking self! how did i do it that, if you wonder, i wondered as well!!! I wrote something long to explain how and then backspaced it all to begin again to type exactly what you're reading. in fact that is precisely what i did most of the time as i lived through those days,wondering and wandering all at the same time. I WAS LOST, to say the least and FOUND, for the best!

Now, half an hour into the blog, crows have joined the party, the stray dogs somehow seem to have slipped into a peaceful sleep inspite of the kaw kawing crows dominating the silent night....

i have changed a bit in all this time. i no longer like the long prose i used to write for it seems to lack the depth. i haven't written much in a long time! i no longer like what i write when imagination fails to take over leaving reality far behind. its in the reality that i often 'find' myself lost and in the fantasy i see myself found, like never before.

I hate the prose and i love to be poetic
but what do i do? its all too cryptic
i feel like breaking the lines
and hope it all rhymes
who knows when
i will sing it again?!
the night is cold and the silence is
eaten away by the kaw kawing crows
i know not what
the story they ought
singin' out aloud
in company of the dogs on the road!
i wondered why? and i wondered what?
the party outside is all about!
i walk out the door
look through the light, that is so poor
along the lines of wires across street
sat not one, not two crows but the whole lot!
holding tight, the crows on the wire sing the song
the ones in tree, still in the nest sing along.
i wonder what the occasion
for those songs of celebration
deep in the night
while i couldn't sleep tight!
all night long the sun will shine
in a far away place, where i have never been...
in the morning light everything seems different
its 4 in the morning and i bid you goodnight!

- yatisa

Jul 9, 2014

random ramblings!!!

i don't know why i felt like posting something on my blog today after a long gap in time. in that long gap in time there have been experiences beyond comprehension, memories unforgettable, happiness inexplicable and a journey beyond horizons both in the physical and the the surreal realms. but this is just going to be about this very moment.

a moment that's being spent in waiting. . .
a moment that coming and going. . .
a moment!!!

the body and the spirit are in unison and are wandsering together, its a good sign. a good sign to continue doing things i am doing. a good sign to just sit back and wonder at all things which matter and those which are inconsequential. a good sign indeed to just continue to dream! and an even better sign to continue to live!

oh shit, did this moment just change from good to better! now i am in no position to evaluate if this is a good sign or a better sign. but nevertheless its a good sign, for moments are only getting better with every passing moment. and like all things good or bad, i know very well about the trajectory of the path i am on. its on the rise and will rise and rise and then the inevitable will take over. THE FALL! it starts with the moment turn from best sign in sight to this is a bad sign. then it takes the downward spiral. the free fall that seems endless, infinite down a bottomless hole into the abyss of nothingness. it is in this moment of nothingness that we are once again free to do anything!

but here's a moment that's getting better and better with every passing moment. there will be a sign when the moment is no longer getting any better and it in this that moment, that i will . . . FREEZE! I will walk out of the frame! it will forever remain a moment i can walk in and out at my will!

i will not allow it to get any worse! i will not allow it to change form one state to another! i will fight the one thing and only one thing that i am not supposed to resist - the change. I will fight in a losing cause!!! i will fight against all odds! i will fight the odds!!!

and in these thoughts i spent that moment!

Oct 13, 2013

in pursuit of happiness!!! and i am adding 'the goodbye' now after writing everything!

someday, you will find it! in fact you'll find it everyday once you get to that some day! I haven't been writing writing anything at all for a long time now and this is my attempt to polish it up. last i remember writing was a story and when the story turned ugly i stopped writing for i wanted to tell a beautiful story. the story wasn't heading to the end i wanted and thus i stopped writing that story. then i chose to re write the whole story but never dared to ink the first words! it will take a while before i get down to business once again!

I have been looking forward to that someday ever since, i stopped writing that story. its right around the corner. i will be all by myself on top of the hill looking at the sun set across the mountains. I will be riding there. next month. less than a month from now i will have started my ride going wherever the road takes me before i reach where i have to be. i might even take a detour to witness the end of history. i mean i might just ride to mumbai and catch a glimpse of sachin's final game. its just a co-incidence that he'll be playing his last game when i will be about 200kms from the venue and its one temptation i will wishfully succumb to.

i am losing it! i am longer excited by what i am writing. i know what has been missing. its the little things i no longer sit back and take notice of before i ink my words. I promise myself that i will write a story that i and only i should love to read more than anyone else. I will keep my eyes and ears open and when i see or hear anything that i feel is worth being a part my story i will write it. until then, yatisa says goodbye.

aaahh, this is going to be fun. what the fuck are you doing? i asked myself. you have already said good bye! and good bye means its the end of the story and you have nothing more to say? may be i had something more to say. Then why say goodbye? i never knew until i said good bye that i had something more to offer. what makes you think that you can afford to say anything you like to say after having said goodbye. what makes you think that you can comeback at will and say what you feel like for no one expects you to say a thing after you have said good bye! so next time you say a good bye be sure you have nothing more to say and if you think you have anything more to say after you have said goodbye just make sure you start afresh and say it all, all over again, for, after you said it no one looks back to see if you have something more to say. every body knows when one says goodbye and just in case you're not sure, you can always choose to say see you later, i said to myself! haha