Something else. . . .

I was thinking of copying something that’s written in my book, like always I do, before putting it up on the WWW but I am in a fix to decide ‘which’ the something is, that deserves the priority. Toss of a coin won’t help because there are way too many to pick from. What it may help is – to decide which book to copy from. . . . I have two books in front of me right now.

Anyone who knows what I write and how I write would know, what I might end up doing in a situation like this. I would be happy to know if I managed to surprise them when they read it through and find me doing something out of my way. If do manage to surprise someone – anyone, then it’ll only go on to put a little more pressure on them for having failed to know me well enough......well its not that important.

I am not sure if anyone in the world would be interested in knowing this piece of information that I am about to share. I am typing all this, every new word that’s going to be read or that’ will just remain typed is being saved in an old file which is saved with a file name – “Don’t Know What It’s About. . . . . .”

As I told you earlier, If I were to copy something from one of the books and since the choice of selecting one  of them was a pretty tough one, those who know me well would now have a fair idea, of what a lazy bum like me might end up doing. . . . It’s a pretty simple thing, I would say, if you think – what would I do? 

If your thought is the same as what I am about to say then I will accept that you know me quite well. . . . I will Ctrl C what’s already typed in the first two pages of this file and come to the end of the page, after this line and Ctrl V. . . . . I can always lie to you and say this is what I chose to copy and also go on to lie to you that it was written in one of the books.

Did you just think I would do that? ? ? ?

Well I still don’t know as I am typing, what I would do. . . What’s already typed at the top of the page can go on to be a different story with the same name, as I’ve already told you. . . hope you remember the name. . . If you’ve forgotten then go back up and find out for yourself, enough spoon feeding is being done around here. . . ‘Here’ as in not ‘here’ but the ‘bigger here’ where we belong. . . .Time to be independent folks!!!!!

Finally coming to what I did or what I will do – I am at this point in time, is overwhelmed at the prospect of seeing what’s typed, making some sense and the fact that without a word being copied from either of the books or from one of the earlier pages in this file, yes of course the title is an exception, this can go on to survive on the WWW as “Something Else. . . .” 

oops.... did I? ? ?

It’s over now and this is between Me and You, After all, I am sure now, that you don’t know me as well as you think you know, guess it’s time to meet me more often to know me better.... If you’re not surprised with what you read then that makes me happy and I would treat you to a cup of coffee for sure....yeah coffee, at a place of my choice, that’s all I can afford.....

odd hours of a moonlit night.......

ha ha ha ha. . . Laughing out loud in the middle of a moonlit night. . . Wondering why? Makes me laugh again. . .
I think i'm suffering from insomnia..... Tried to put myself to sleep, tried many different positions but couldn't convince the crazy mind to rest for a while.... Sleeping only puts the body to sleep n not the mind.... It kicks in to think of a million things trying to convince you about what is necessary for it.... It makes you be biased while making your own opinions... But when your are aware of this truth you can fight the mind, let the common sense prevail.....
What do you expect me to write at this hour of the night.... Just trying to write something instead of watching the useless news...... Like always i'll take the twisted and twirled route to say the story so far.....
I am thinking of the song from kill bill which describes me well, i'm just a soul whose intentions are good, oh lord, please don't let me be misunderstood..... Nah, i'm just boasting off my ego..... I need some time to reconnect with the reality that i've been running away from, which means i may have to leave the world of my imagination behind for a while..... Reality is in chaos and i need to pay my attention while my world can be built all over again..... Reality is where i live and the healthy existence in reality keeps me grounded and helps me have a stable time in the other world.....
I am finding it extremely difficult to type my mind on my small qwerty keyboard of my new phone..... This is my first post through my phone.... Next time i'll make sure i write smaller and simpler and better things at the right time than the odd hours.... But what has time got to do with what i have to say.... It doesn't guarantee rightness or simplicity.... Its all got to do with, what's on the fuckin fucked up mind.....for the moment i'm grounded in reality, see you all soon, for not all have the access to my li'l world.....not just because you don't deserve but also its safer for you here.....

Stoned................

Stoned, is what i am at this moment. I am up there flying so high from where the fall would take me forever to return. . . . Why bother to care where I belong when I fall, I am destined to hit the surface hard. . . . The surface would determine the intensity of pain; I have to go through at the time of impact. I just wish I have the right to make a choice of the surface to hit when I reach the ground.

I am just playing the fool with my mind. I know. I am. Can I really choose to do what the mind wants to do? Can I for once be true to myself . . . .? Can I leave the reality behind and make myself comfortable during the fall. . . . Can the fantasy last forever? Will the reality bite as hard as I imagine it to?

I don’t know – i am just learning a few things about myself in the last couple of days. I am beginning to know few truths about myself I had never realised before. I am two and one is alive and breathing while the other helps one breath and be alive.  I am now in state of chaos to find the right proportion of the two to be myself.

Why can’t I walk up to the terrace to spend a li’l time under the moon? We saw the moon when we took the flight high above – it was full and oozing light. Few thoughts of the night to be captured – Can we speak our emotions through our actions. Actions of what one is capable off.

My actions too can be mistaken even while I am falling. My intentions are interpreted in the perception of the other, what you meant has lost its importance and what is perceived gains momentum. This is the moment when the fall becomes bumpy and you realise you should’ve just let yourself down by not making those actions. . . .

I will put myself to sleep with some light music playing in my ears. I hope music overhauls the screams of the fear of pain one has in the mind when you hit the surface. I am yet to make the choice of the surface. I will fall without listening to my mind. I will sleep without doing that last thing that came to my mind. I don’t deserve to do it, though I hate this feeling of being undeserving. Emptiness takes over, darkness completes the picture for when I return it is all over for – forever is . . . .