May 1, 2010

34. CHANGE for the GOOD

After all the nonsense that I've been writing all this while, finally a Chance for Me to make sense. Write sense. Something that can or should awaken the dead sensibilities of those who have been wrested with the powers to "HOPE". Hope of a better life to those not in despair but in ill health. This is not about "the POWER" itself, that I am interested to talk about, It is the "MISUSE" of that POWER.
Unlike all my other posts, for the first time I may not drag too much nor brag about the unnecessary details. All that will be written here onwards are some of the facts and the analysis of the rightfulness of these facts are up to the people concerned and not the readers alone. Today as I am typing this I called up the Justdial services and found the mail ID of the concerned authority. I shall mail this post to them also in the hope that there will be change for the good.

27th april 2010.

I  called up the Emergency Ambulance Service 108, to shift My Mom to St. John's Medical college Hospital, who's been ailing for sometime now - of breast cancer and was undergoing Chemotherapy at the same hospital. She wasn't responding to our words since last night, We thought She was too tired and may be she needed rest. When she did not respond to our screams and cries the following morning, that's when I called up the doctor who's been treating her - of her state, who was quick to suggest that we bring her to the emergency. I called up the emergency service who helped us shift my mom from the house on the second floor, through the narrow stairs to the hospital with in a matter of few minutes.

The doctors did the emergency treatment and told us that she has developed respiratory complications and has to be put on ventilator. She had to be moved immediately to the ICU and unfortunately we were informed that all the ICU s at the hospital were occupied and my mother had to be shifted to another hospital. She was in a critical condition, high blood pressure, abnormal pulse and on the verge of or in a state of comatose. The hospital authorities arranged for the ambulance and once again the Emergency service 108 was pressed into action. We were informed that the ICU has been arranged at a near by Hospital - ABHAYA Hospital, near wilson garden. . . 
The duty doctor at the St. John's had spoken to his counterpart at the Abhaya hospital about the patient's condition and was immediately rushed to Abhaya hospital. Abhaya Hospital, the only reason I am using the name of Specific hospital so many times is, so that the name is imprinted on the mind of the reader, when in need of any further medical assistance. The name is Abhaya hospital.

In the mean time, My dad was undergoing his second cycle of chemotherapy at the Curie Center for Oncology, which is in the St. John's Campus itself. I gave some money to my sister - in fact Rs. 8000/- to be precise, just to keep the facts rite. I had the rest of the money with me and My Mom was rushed to Abhaya Hospital. I was to be following them on my bike, but before I did that, I thought it was important for me to inform My Dad about mom's condition and Where's she's being taken for treatment. It was Abhaya Hospital.

While I was at the parking lot, on my bike, ready to leave for Abhaya hospital, about fifteen minutes later, My sister called up to find out my whereabouts. I was told that they were short of money and My Mom was not being admitted just because the advance of Rs. 15000/- was not being paid immediately. My sister begged them to admit her first and I would be there in about fifteen minutes and pay the rest of the amount, but in vain. I arrived about fifteen minutes later, while my mom was still kept waiting in the ambulance at the emergency entrance of the Abhaya hospital. . . still breathing through the manual ventilator. My aunts' and my sister and my cousin were all at the reception trying to convince them, They were in tears. . . [the emotional part of the situation is not of concern to this particular post and will be elaborated at some point in time If I ever dare to write on the same situation again] It was a horrible situation to be - YOU don't need a worse situation than this to EXPLODE, and that's exactly what happened. . .

I walked up to the reception and couldn't help but shout at the top of my voice - Why the fuck was the patient still kept waiting inside the ambulance (outside the Abhaya hospital). It was an emergency case and the patient had to be treated at the first place and then the formalities. . . I used the foulest language that I could think of at that moment, from Ba$&#rds to the Son's of Bi#$hes to a$$holes to fu#%ers to mother fu&@ers and all that which comes in between. I was angry and I was nervous, tensed. . . Nervous not because I was yelling at the hospital staff in their own hospital but because my Mom is still lying in the ambulance unattended. . . 

After seeing that I was really angry, the hospital staff said that they did not admit my mom not because of Money but because of the fact that the ventilator's not free. That irresponsible reasoning made me even more angry - If you did not have the ventilator free, Why the fuck was the patient asked to come to the hospital in the first place ??????? and Why My sister was asked to pay an advance of Rs. 15000/- immediately??????? so that they can admit, as it was an emergency case and tell her that the patient needed immediate treatment and has to be shifted to the ICU?????????

At this point in time I would like to appreciate the efforts and the presence of mind of the Emergency service staff 108, who immediately contacted their call center to find out an alternative hospital for an ICU with Ventilator. . . While all the drama was unfolding at the reception lobby of the Abhaya hospital, with all the people inside the hospital looking at me shouting out aloud. . .

I had the reference letter from the duty doctor at the St. John's addressed to his counterpart. Now I am also there with the money that was asked from my sister for the admission, The Emergency Service staff had the patient transfer data entered in their data book. . . . The emergency Service staff had found another hospital in the mean time. 
"I'll get back to you Ba$^&@ds, if anything goes wrong" I told the hospital staff as I followed the Ambulance to another hospital at Majestic - Srinivasa Hospital. She was shifted to the ICU within few minutes of our arrival and My Mom was put on the ventilator, all the attempts that were necessary to stabilize the patient's condition were made. . . I had given my cousin's debit card to my sister, this time around just in case Money was more important than the patient to start the medication. . . .
The doctors at the hospital, knew the status of my mom's condition, the moment we arrived but all the examinations were arranged for, that were necessary to confirm, what they believed was the matter of truth. . . . We hoped all day, all night, outside the ICU and at noon, the following day, the doctors finally broke the ice. My Mom was declared "Brain Dead". . . .

"I will get back to you Ba$^&@ds" - those were the words that I had said to the hospital staff at the "Abhaya hospital". This post that you read, is an attempt to get back at them. . . No matter where "My Mother" would've been treated, as the cancer had spread to the brain and the brain stem, "the end was Inevitable". . . 

The reason for me to write this is not to harass someone of the medical negligence, for I don't have faith in our judicial system, I am neither looking for an explanation from the staff of the Abhaya hospital for their actions at that moment nor am I asking for justification for the questions that remain. . . . What you read are plain facts, facts as seen from my side, what ever may be the reason for the actions from the other side, there is a need for Change. . . 
" 'Change for the Good' of something called 'Sanity' ".









Apr 6, 2010

32. What the fuck . . .

Its a very small piece of shit that finds a place in my diary. Nothing to be offensive of the title, its merely a title. . . As always a picture of the frame of my mind on one of those days when I would be spending time with myself and yet find it difficult to wail away time. . .

I am bored to bits now, if only I could write something entertaining, humor is dead at this point in time, Love or romance is out of question, Optimism is only in the talks, Pessimist is who I am, Sarcasm  is not my cup of tea. . . so what is it that i can write in a situatiopn like that - here's what I wrote.

Raise this question when you're all alone, what could one possibly do when bored. . . the fact that you are bored itself is such that it does not allow you to involve yourself outside of you. 
It is probably this time, when it is the right time to do some introspection about the things going on around you. . . Present, Past and a li'l bit of future. . . though you cannot do much by introspecting the past and the future, That leaves with just the Present to do damage control. . . You're bored now, so how is it that you are going to do any introspection then . . . 

Take a pen, Order a cup of coffee, Look around, Smile and say to yourself "What the FUCK. . . "


Apr 2, 2010

about "Truth and . . . "

Its been a while since I wrote something on the blog. Here's one that's more of continuation of the frame of mind on the same day as the thought of Gandhi hit me. . . its about truth, its got nothing to do with lies, and what i am writing are only facts that "i think". . .

Following up from where i stopped last time [referring to Gandhian principles], one of the main preachings of the man was to be truthful. But on a contradictory note, when you are truthful of your actions then I suppose there isn't any opportunity to improvise upon your action. Your conscience is clear, the action is done and the mind moves on to the next. If on the other hand you're being untruthful then the case is extremely interesting, your conscience's ever aware of your actions, it pricks you every time you are faced with another situation, Your past follows you. . . . You are never left to be alone, you are made to be accountable at every instance. . . . You have to be more creative to construct upon your earlier actions around the situations, under which you made those actions. . . .

Truth has no other side to it, nor to the situations around it, everything around it is Constrained. . . . You achieve a sense of freedom, at the same time you lose your options to defend your truthful actions. at times truth hurts too . . .

When it comes to being untruthful, your choices are always open to build your stories around the situations. You have the liberty to even manipulate the situation to accommodate your actions. [I did not want to elaborate more than a page but I am still unable to explore the clarity between being - truthful and Untruthful. . . ]

Being truthful makes you stronger but its easier to be lovable by being untruthful. Remember I said Truth hurts at times. . . Truth is unconnected with the emotions of the people. . . therefore me, being truthful can be a hurtful prospect for someone else at the receiving end of the truth. But, given an opportunity to manipulate the truth around the situation, it gives me an opportunity to make an emotional connect with the "other" at the same time having a sense of being truthful, than being otherwise. . . :)

Another interesting aspect about truth that I feel strongly is that TRUTH is very vulnerable, It is a fluid that takes the shape of its container. . . the result of a truthful act is what you portray it as, in front of you. . . . Also remember that truthfulness has got nothing to do with being right and wrong. Everyone is right in their own perspective and in their own analysis of the situation.

You can be truthful in spite for wrong acts but you can not be right with these acts. . . only being truthful for righteous acts in any situation, "redeems you", to be a RIGHTEOUS MAN.